Thursday, May 2, 2013

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye -
                                                                Antoine de Saint.   
What the future holds is unknown.  Times when you are weak and weary can make the end of day seem so far away.  Holding onto strength as if there is no tomorrow.  Praying for each breath you take not to be your last.  As I sit and ponder over every little detail, I wonder how I'm going to be able to live this way.  It is my disease that is invisible to the naked eye.  One wonders how can she be sick when she doesn't look it.  If you knew the worry, frustration, sadness, guilt, pain, discomfort, you would ask yourself, how can I go on. 
 
He who conceals his disease can not expect to be cured - Ethiopian Proverb  
I certainly try, there is no doubt.  Truth be known there is no cure.  Some days are extremely bad, good days are a true blessing.  I never take anything for granted.  Living another day is a true blessing. 
 
I never really understood why so many Gastroparesis patients went to the ER for problems instead of going to their doctor, until I needed help.  It's usually one to two months wait to see a Gastrologist.  With Gastroparesis even though its a guessing game, the outcome on how the day turns out could very well be one ending at the ER.  Recently I have encountered a new symptom that has me extremely concerned.  After receiving advice and internet research, I learned that when I have a strong attack, my body goes into slight shock.  I will have extreme vomiting, loose control of my bowels, extreme abdominal pain, dizziness, heart rate will increase and my body will shake tremendously.  Its hard on our fragile system to vomit violently.  There have been many times I have almost passed out.  Most fainting is triggered by the vagus nerve.  It connects the digestive system to the brain and it's job is to manage blood flow to the gut.  My vagus nerve was damaged which is the reason why I have Gastroparesis.  Blood doesn't flow well into my stomach.  Therefore when I vomit sometimes my vagus nerve overreacts and causes blood to pull too much from my brain which causes fainting and/or dizzy spells.  It has become a weekly event for me to have a strong attack.  Usually I just hurt and deal with the regular symptoms.  My next doctors appointment isn't until the end of April.  I will be requesting for tests to see if I can be approved for a stomach stimulator.  Until then I will continue doing what I'm doing, hope for the best and pray I don't pass out.