I have a glimpse of how Jesus felt with he was betrayed. The greatest disappointment in life is knowing that the ones we care for are the ones who don't try to understand and turn their backs towards you. Having rare diseases that are invisible are extremely hard for anyone to deal with. People judge you by your appearance. They look at you like you are great, beautiful and normal. Yes my diseases are invisible but they have scarred and damaged me for the rest of my life. I try to stay strong, work hard and act like I am normal but there comes a time when you ask yourself when is it time to just rest and tend to my health? I can't manage everything and everyone but there is no shame putting myself first.
Food is one of the main comforts to everyone. I never would have thought it would be my worse enemy. There is no comfort with eating. Taste buds love it but my stomach and intestines beg to differ. Its like a constant roller coaster and I'm ready to get off this ride. Lately the pain under my right rib cage has become extremely bad. I went to see my gastroenterologist recently, had lots of blood work done but the results were all within the low normal range. Soon I will be scheduled a CT just to make sure we are not missing anything. If anything it will be categorized as a spastic colon. Doctor prescribed me 50 mg of tramadol to see if it would help with my pain. I was really apprehensive about being placed on pain medication because it really shuts down my whole system. Meaning, I could go for days without running to the bathroom. With also having IBS, its not in my favor. I noticed its help ease some of the pain but not all.
I have lost another 5 lbs. I am now 130 lbs. I am not trying to loose the weight and I can see the weight loss in my face now. My cheeks seem to be caving in a little. Which brings me to another subject... Recently I saw my dentist to take care of a small cavity. It wasn't until after digging and digging she realized the tooth was actually dead. She took another x-ray and it also showed an abscess. I was never bothered with that tooth. A day later I am in the office of an oral surgeon. The surgeon had to remove my tooth along with the abscess. What I thought was interesting was during the whole surgery, I was given an IV injection of 100 mg of cortisol to prevent an adrenal crises. He wanted to be safe than sorry, which I really appreciate. Two weeks went by and it was time for a recheck with the oral surgeon. During those two weeks he had another specialist look closely at my x-rays. I was told there is an area in my gum line and jaw bone that looks suspicious and needs to be addressed. I am scheduled for another surgery next week. A biopsy will be performed to see if I have periodontal disease.
I am on a lot of support groups on Facebook for every single one of my diseases. There have been so many that have died with just one of my diseases. I don't know why or how I am still alive with the 7 diseases I have. I know for me, I have many disappointments in myself. I can't do all that I want to do. I can't walk long distances without leg pain, fatigue and dizziness. I can't bend over without having extreme nausea. I don't have the strength I used to have. My blood pressure is always low to the point to where my doctors become concerned. I foresee my future to be gloomy with one ray of sun shine peaking though the clouds. That one ray will be my reminder that God is still with me. Our Lord has a plan for us all. Tell me Jesus what is our ending? Will our ending be beautiful? Will I be remembered?