Thursday, April 11, 2013

This too shall pass...  4 little words.  As I stand holding onto the counter top, hoping I
won't embarrass myself in front of others, dizziness comes over me.  Swallowing my own saliva over and over again.  Pain overwhelming me as I hold back my tears.  I know then I could either spend the next 10 minutes or the next 2 hours in the bathroom, vomiting and/or otherwise.  My body shakes uncontrollably and all I can do is pray.  Pray I get through it and try not to  pass out. 

I went to my family doctor recently and had blood tests done, mainly to check my protein levels.  According to my doctor, levels seem to be okay.  Thyroid is out of control again.  Medication adjusted.  Since then I have been experiencing leg cramps.  So agonizing to move, pushing myself to keep going.  Life just doesn't stop or slow down even if you want to.  So I slap a smile on my face, look into my children's eyes and tell myself, your doing this for them.  There is no time for selflessness.  

I am struggling on what types of food I should or shouldn't eat.  Every day is different.  Although I can tell when my stomach feels weird.  Tend to cater to my stomach during those days.  There have been so many times I can eat half a sandwich and bloat out like I am 5 months pregnant.  Since I have been seeing my nutritionist the supplements have really helped. 

I recently lost a dear friend, reasons are still unknown.  She was such a wonderful person, always carried a smile on her face, wouldn't take anything for granted. I feel a great sadness loosing her.  She was so young when she passed away.  What makes me wonder is why am I still here.  What is my purpose?  All I know is as long as I am breathing, I will enjoy every day. Its amazing how life throws you curve balls.  It just depends on how you swing your bat.