Saturday, December 29, 2012

Its amazing how your life can change.  One day your doing great, the next your in pain.  The only thing we can do is take one day at a time.  We learn to adore the days when your feeling great, no pain, no suffering, just simply feeling alive.  We learn to adapt to the days where it hurts to move, hurts to even take a bite of food.  Looking back and missing those days prior to this disease brings such sadness. Wishing you could devour a pound of BBQ ribs, oh how I love BBQ ribs or even simply enjoy a salad.  Do me a favor...  the next time you pick up your fork and look at yummy food, think of me.  Think of having food all around you and not being able to eat it.  It's like being a child when someone holds up a sweet delicious chocolate chip cookie and telling you, No, you cant have it!  I'm not going to lie, there have been some things that I do eat that I am not suppose to.  What goes through my mind is, will I digest this?  Will I hurt or pay for this later?  Will I develop another bacterial infection just because I crave this food.  Is it worth suffering?  Try having a curfew on the foods you can eat.  I'm not suppose to eat past 9:30 pm.  Sounds like a kids curfew doesn't it?  Being grounded from food.  Seems like a joke huh?  I live that way every day and will continue to live this way for the rest of my life.  I can only consume a half a cup of food at each serving.  If I consume more I will hurt for the remaining of the day, sometimes throughout the night.  As much as some things tastes so good, I know its my worse enemy.  It's crazy to imagine that isn't it?  Today I had a cup of chicken noodle soup.  More broth than noodles and chicken.  Boy, I have been paying for it ever since.  When this whole thing started for me I was 185 lbs and in a size 14.  Yes 185!  Now I am 118 lbs, between a size 1 to 3.  Shocking isn't it.  I look back on my pictures and boy have I changed!!  Wish I could say it felt good loosing all my weight.  Next month I will be returning to my Gastrologist for a checkup.  I'm looking forward to it.  Its been 3 months since my last.visit  We shall see where things go.